4 August 2006 (10 Av 5766)
One of the human landscapes I still find it difficult to get used to in Israel is the (sheer) number and (not always acceptable) behavior of beggars. In Japan you see few beggars on the street, but perhaps this is not because there are few needy people in the country but because in a culture of shame they consider it below their dignity to beg others in public. Instead, they live on the street or in public parks to save their rent and do whatever they can to maintain their physical existence.
In a culture where those who give money are considered to owe beggars privilege of performing such a deed there is no wonder that the needy (and others) will not feel much reluctance to start begging on the street or elsewhere before trying other means of livelihood first. For many of these people begging is an occupation; some of them even commute to their places of work by car! I am often amazed to see how generous and tolerant people in Israel are toward beggars.
Having seen them and been influenced by them, I have also started giving charity from time to time. This may be a sign of my spiritual immaturity, but I cannot always be tolerant of the way some of them behave. One such behavior is the complaint some of them make when they recieve less than they expect. I think this is a chutzpah. The most unbearable type of beggars are those who go to the same shul every weekday morning and interrupt davening to beg money. I even saw them give change. So this is business par excellence with no need to pay income tax. What bothers me is that they look healthy on the one hand and dishonest on the other. I wonder why they do not engage themselves in something than can contribute to the society by the sweat of their brow without being parasitic in spite of their healthy bodies. This seems a real chutzpah, though they may have reasons unknown to me for continuing what seems unacceptable to me.
11 August 2006 (17 Av 5766)
There seem to be at least four types of linguistic behavior people show in their own country toward those whom they consider speakers of other languages: 1) naturalness, 2) arrogance, 3) inferiority complex, 4) stereotypical enthusiasm.
The first type, naturalness, is to speak to them in the most common language in the country or in its specific region, (e.g., Japanese in Japan or Hebrew in Israel) without feeling either arrogance or inferiority complex toward them. Two types of people who belong to the two extremes in the scale of foreign language acquisition seem to exhibit this type of linguistic behavior: firstly, those who know no foreign language and intuitively have a balanced view about their mother tongue, i.e., they are neither ashamed nor too proud of it; secondly, those who have learned at least one foreign language very well, but they know not to use it and try first the default language, as it were, to whomever they speak to.
The second type, arrogance, is also to speak to them in the language of the country, but for a different reason. They have an unhealthy view about their mother tongue and think too highly of it, imposing it on everyone. But the third type, inferiority complex, is probably unhealthier than the second. The look of someone whom they consider a foreigner makes them nervous and feel obliged to try a foreign language, mostly English. Many of these people cannot be confident of their own language on the one hand, but do not know that foreign language very well on the other; it is likely that they do not know their mother tongue very well, either.
The fourth type, stereotypical enthusiasm, is quite common among those who are in various stages of learning a certain foreign language. Whenever they meet someone who (they think) is from a country where that language is spoken, they start trying their newly acquired language, often in a broken and even unintelligible form, treating him or her stereotypically as a kind of robot with no personality.
This last type is the most problematic, at least in my opinion, and I have learned both to avoid people who show this kind of linguistic behavior and not to treat others in this manner myself. There is no wonder, therefore, that I have few friends here in Israel who specialize in Japanese or Japan, as I have noticed that these "Japanologists" treat me stereotypically without paying attention to what interests me. I in turn choose friends not because of their mother tongue or place of birth but purely on the basis of their merits as human beings.
18 August 2006 (24 Av 5766)
Since I attended the wedding ceremony of an ex-classmate of mine (and danced à la juive like crazy) this week in Jerusalem, I have experienced, to my surprise, a certain change in my feeling about marriage, i.e., the feeling that marriage may not be such a formidable thing after all and I may be readier for it than before, if not absolutely ready.
I did not get married with any of the ex-girlfriends I had in Japan before moving here mainly because I thought I might leave Japan. In retrospect, it may have been rather irresponsible of me to start a romantic relationship with them in the first place as they were interested in marriage.
Until quite recently I used to think that four things are equally important for me to be attracted to someone as a potential girlfriend: character, intelligence, physical fitness and awareness, and daily habits. A different order of priorities must probably be sought in a potential companion for life. Now it seems to me that one aspect of character, i.e., compatibility in the characters of the two, is more important than the other things, though they are still important, at least for me.
So what do I think constitutes a compatible character for me, especially considering the fact that I am not so easy to get along with? The most important component for me is sense of humor, without which I cannot imagine to share a life with anyone else under the same roof. It is not only a way to make yourself and others around you smile (or giggle) temporarily but probably the most efficient defense mechanism to make yourself less vulnerable to emotional problems, which in turn can make your partner's life a living hell.
25 August 2006 (1 Elul 5766)
When overwhelmed with strong emotions, people in most (or all?) cultures (cannot but) keep silent. But otherwise, that is, in normal daily situations, the share of speech and silence in interpersonal communication depends on cultures. Naturally, there are far more contexts where people in Japan keep silent and those in Israel speak than vice versa. A typical context of this kind is a classroom, where students in Japan generally keep silent. Another social context is a conversation on politics; in Israel if you start your talk with whatever topic with whatever person, you generally end up arguing about politics, while in Japan many people keep silent on this topic as they generally do not have their own opinion about it. An example of the opposite case is the context of apology, whether sincere or not. People in Israel tend to speak quite eloquently in order not to apologize, and you seldom hear words of apology per se.
Recently I have noticed that there is at least one social context where people both in Japan and in Israel generally keep silent. It is when they are requested or offered to do something, often for their own benefit, but cannot or do not want to for whatever reason. In such a situation I always answer I cannot and generally explain why. I have met quite a few people from all walks of life in both countries who simply do not respond at all (by email) even when my requests or offers can benefit them. In Japan this kind of silence must be because they are too embarrassed to say no, but it does not seem to me that this is the reason in Israel as shame is not part of Israeli society in general. I have been trying to explain this behavior in vain, though it will remain extremely bothering for me even if I should find explanations for it.