6 June 2008 (3 Sivan 5768)

Although I was disconnected abruptly from a positive source of energy about a week ago, I feel I still continue to benefit from its "retained heat". But this heat alone is not enough in order not to be driven into despair over the loss of this short-lived source of positive energy. Ever since I encountered "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen right after this loss, I have been reading it and listening to its audio version again and again. It has been giving me energy and motivation to go further in life. Here are some of his words that have especially appealed to me:

As a progressive and evolving being, man is where he is that he may learn that he may grow; and as he learns the spiritual lesson which any circumstance contains for him, it passes away and gives place to other circumstances.
[...]
The outer world of circumstance shapes itself to the inner world of thought, and both pleasant and unpleasant external conditions are factors, which make for the ultimate good of the individual. As the reaper of his own harvest, man learns both by suffering and bliss.
[...]
Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. Their whims, fancies, and ambitions are thwarted at every step, but their inmost thoughts and desires are fed with their own food, be it foul or clean. The "divinity that shapes our ends" is in ourselves; it is our very self. Only himself manacles man: thought and action are the gaolers of Fate - they imprison, being base; they are also the angels of Freedom - they liberate, being noble. Not what he wishes and prays for does a man get, but what he justly earns. His wishes and prayers are only gratified and answered when they harmonize with his thoughts and actions.
[...]
Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. This is as true of earthly as of heavenly things. Even the man whose sole object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object; and how much more so he who would realize a strong and well-poised life?
[...]
It is pleasing to human vanity to believe that one suffers because of one's virtue; but not until a man has extirpated every sickly, bitter, and impure thought from his mind, and washed every sinful stain from his soul, can he be in a position to know and declare that his sufferings are the result of his good, and not of his bad qualities; and on the way to, yet long before he has reached, that supreme perfection, he will have found, working in his mind and life, the Great Law which is absolutely just, and which cannot, therefore, give good for evil, evil for good. Possessed of such knowledge, he will then know, looking back upon his past ignorance and blindness, that his life is, and always was, justly ordered, and that all his past experiences, good and bad, were the equitable outworking of his evolving, yet unevolved self.
[...]
A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.
[...]
The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colours, which at every succeeding moment it presents to you are the exquisitely adjusted pictures of your ever-moving thoughts.

I never felt so serene before in my entire life as when I was tapping into the above mentioned source of positive energy. But when I was alone, my serenity was (and still is) disturbed by the following three kinds of people: 1) those who have no public awareness and behave in a self-centered manner in public (such as littering in public, talking loudly with a mobile phone in public, etc.); 2) thos who pamper themselves beyond reasonable limits and are not ready to be responsible for the results of their self-indulgence; 3) those who believe naively that by saying a few words in a language they barely know to someone whom they think is a native speaker of that language they can please him or her, while in reality they are gratifying only themselves. When I encounter such people, I often cannot help reproaching them rather emotionally.

Having read the above mentioned book by Allen, I have come to realize how stupid it is to lose my serenity because of these people. All of them are strangers I may encounter once in my life (fortunately, none of my friends is among such people). People of these sorts will never disappear from the face of this planet, and I cannot change them by reproaching them once. I have realized that the only effective way for me to remain serene is to change how I think. It is still rather difficult for me not to lose temper when I stumble upon such people, but I now feel that I am more or less on the right track to work on this negative character trait of mine and hopefully tame it eventually. I should not allow myself to lose my peace of mind because of those people who are insignificant for me.

13 June 2008 (10 Sivan 5768)

[no update due to a busy schedule]

20 June 2008 (17 Sivan 5768)

The kind of emotional void that engulfed me suddenly about three weeks ago might have totally devastated me and attracted negative energy if I had been in my twenties and thirties. Fortunately, however, I seem to have learned a number of important lessons in life, and a few truly amazing books that have "found" me by synchronicity during this period have also been teaching me more important lessons that are literally relevant to my present state of being. One of these books is "When Life Changes or You Wish It Would" by Carol Adrienne, who is the author of another no less insightful book entitled "The Purpose of Your Life". Especially the following passages have left a deep impression and impact upon me:

Assuming that you must have 100 percent clarity about your direction before you take any action [is one of the misperceptions that tend to paralyze us in making a decision or taking any action - TS]. Instead of looking for a guarantee of success, simply move in the direction where you feel a spark of interest. Make a tentative goal and see how life answers it. Keep taking small steps in the best direction you can see or feel in the moment. Let the best outcome emerge.
[...]
The intuitive voice moves you out of your comfort zone, but you know in your heart that it is guiding you to the right thing to do. The ego voice loves to tell you horror stories.
[...]
There is risk, but life itself is risk. For a higher life there will be higher risks. You move on a dangerous path. But remember, there is only one error in life, and that is not moving at all; that is, just afraid, sitting; just afraid that if you move, something may go wrong... This is the only error. You will not be in danger but no growth will be possible.
[...]
One of the biggest limitations to creating the change we want is that we want to be sure of the outcome before we start, so we can (1) avoid making mistakes; (2) not waste time; (3) avoid feeling fear or anxiety; and (4) not look bad to others. Most of us are convinced that we must take action based on a plan, and that the plan must be logical and under our control. The desire to rid ourselves of uncertainty comes from the ego. Being willing to tolerate a certain amount of uncertainty, however, gives us the benefit of flexibility and, in the long run, allows our lives to unfold with almost effortless ease.
[...]
Law of attraction. It is easier and more organic to attract change rather than to force changes to happen.
We attract from our state of being. Our state of being is an energy field that radiates and connects to universal energy. Our stage of being is how we feel about ourselves in the moment. It combines all of our past experiences, our sense of the future, and our basic sense of self-esteem (which may fluctuate but will have a general tone).
Like attracts like. Whatever vibration of energy we offer to the world (which is based on how we feel about ourselves) will return to us as a like vibration.

I thought naively that I myself had already been free from such fear of uncertainty and the above mentioned emotional void had been caused by another party suffering from such fear, but according to the law that "like attracts like", this kind of fear may still remain deep inside me, which is quite natural. After all, many of us prefer remaining in a zone we already know, even if we know that it is not exactly what we want to, to taking an actition and a risk to head for an unknown zone we want.

These days I am undergoing rather significant changes, both internal and external. Internally, I have decided to think about and concentrate upon positive things in order to attract positive people and events. For example, I have erased all the negative things from my online profile and web guide, where I used to mention things and people I do not like; I have also stopped vain arguments and quarrels with others who get on my nerves, and instead I have been trying to control my anger and keep my positive energy intact. Now I am more and more convinced that we can change more effectively what we see around us by changing ourselves rather than by changing others.

Externally, I am also experiencing a certain change. Running used to be the only physical exercise I had been doing since the age of 18, but about a month and a half ago I resumed swimming, cycling and skating under the influence of one of the most impressive persons I have ever met in my entire life. These four physical exercises have been influencing my body and mind very positively. For a number of practical reasons I used to engage myself in physical exercises only in the early morning. But having seen how much I enjoy each of the three new physical exercises, and feeling that I do not want to sacrifice running, which is my "home ground", as it were, and used to be more than just a pastime for me, I have decided to reorganize my daily schedule. I do continue to run in the early morning, but I have decided to allocate one hour for swimming before supper.

For the past few months I generally sleep less than six hours, and surprisingly I do not feel sleepy; on the contrary, I feel fully recharged upon getting up. Besides, when I wake up every morning, I cannot help feeling grateful to the Force that makes me alive. Life is the greatest miracle, and I appreciate it every day.

27 June 2008 (24 Sivan 5768)

Comparing what I saw and felt in my recent stay in Japan this April with what I see and reappreciate here back in Israel since then, I now feel more strongly than ever before that I belong here more than to Japan in many respects and can consider Israel as my place of permanent residence, though like all the other countries it is not free from problems. This feeling seems to stem not so much from the fact that it is far easier here to have a meaningful Jewish life, which is of course important, as from sociocultural factors that significantly differentiate the two countries.

I consider the purpose of my life (or lives in different reincarnations) as the training of my soul through experiences in a physical body. In this respect materialist affluence and convenience, which characterize Japan, are not so important for me; Israel is after all a developed country, and I have few complaints about what I have and can have here materialistically, except for lack of good bookstores, which is not only a matter of materialism.

What counts far more for me for the above mentioned purpose of life is the possibility to have those interpersonal relationships that are freer and can enrich me, whether intellectually and spiritually. In this respect there is no comparison between Israel and Japan. Traditionally, perhaps under the influence of Confucianism, interpersonal relationships have been hierarchical, nonspontaneous and sometimes even suffocating, thus preventing or disturbing free exchange of thoughts and feelings. But I have felt that recently these interpersonal relationships are becoming more and more superficial and mechanical and are even disappearing among certain people. Japanese society is heading for less and less direct interactions and confrontations between living people with their own thoughts and feelings. More and more verbal and nonverbal behaviors, especially in public, are becoming formulaic, and more and more people are becoming like robots that do not express emotions, or to be more precise, they suppress their emotions in order not to be disliked by anyone, until they will explode in the end, sometimes killing their family members or total strangers. Do I want to live and raise my children-tobe in such a society? Unfortunately, my answer is clear no, though it is the country where I was born and raised, to which I owe some important attributes of mine, such as love of order and precision.

Personally I consider people with diverse backgrounds and the sociocultural atmosphere that enable them free exchange of thoughts and feelings are the most precious resources Israel can be proud of. I feel this strongly (and enjoy it enormously) in academic interactions in particular. Here is an intellectual culture that enables not only fellow researchers but also teachers and students to freely exchange ideas and opinions, while paying enough respect to each other. Thanks to this enriching atmosphere, I have been intellectually inspired a lot, have been exposed not only to new ways of thinking in the areas I am more or less familiar with but also to totally new disciplines I was not familiar with before. Since I came to Israel this time about four years ago, my intellectual horizon has been broadened; my research interests have extended from morphology, lexicon and sociolinguistics of Modern Hebrew and Hebrew-Yiddish contact linguistics to such areas as Jewish onomastics, Jewish proverb research, and Jewish humor research, too. I am not sure that such a positive change was possible if I remained in Japan with its stifling academic atmosphere.