7 November 2008 (9 Kheshvan 5769)
I seem to have no luck with HP notebook PCs. The one I use now is the second HP notebook PC for me. The first one broke down within a year after buying it. Unfortunately, the same fate befell the present one only half a year after purchase. The hard disk started clattering constantly, which, according to what I have read on the web, is a very bad sign. I seem to have no choice but to send this PC for repair; at this moment I cannot afford to buy a new PC. The problem is that then I will be forced to manage with no PC at home for one or two weeks. The timing cannot be worse. The new academic year has just started, and I have a very important - not necessarily in terms of its content but in terms of the forum where it will be published, of course, if referees accept it - article to prepare. Now I am trying to decide when is the least harmful time for me in terms of productivity to send my PC for repair.
I realize anew how much my life depends on a PC (as well as the Internet), which is rather scary. I often say half-seriously that I am an extension of my PC. ;-) Someone like myself should probably has at least two PCs at home, but when I bought the present one, I hoped, which now turns out to be baseless, that nothing would happen to it, at least in its first year, so I gave the old one, which was fixed after it broke down, to a good old friend of mine, who used to live without his own PC - it was his own first PC in his entire life!
From the past experience I can already foresee how inconvenient it will be to manage without a PC at home even for one week, but on the other hand there will also be an advantage. I will be able to focus more on things that are more essential to my life, whether spiritually or intellectually. In a sense this can also be a kind of relief for me as I will not have to struggle with a flood of email messages I receive every day (about 500!). I have become a slave of email; I cannot cope with it, but I can manage even less without it.
14 November 2008 (16 Kheshvan 5769)
I am a very stubborn person. Once I decide to accomplish or achieve something, I generally do not give up easily. I can persevere in my challenge, even for years, as long as I can find enough hope for getting over it. By "enough hope" I mean a situation in which the success seems to depend on things I may be able to change by changing myself and/or by convincing or influencing others involved. There are, however, cases in which some external factors I cannot change in any way stand in my way. When these factors constitute the main or one of the main obstacles for accomplishing or achieving something I desire, I have to give up my whole challenge reluctantly.
This is what has happened to a certain challenge I dared to embark upon. When I was first advised by a mentor of mine to try it, I rather hesitated to follow his advice, as there seemed to be some external factors I have to get over. But through his constant encouragements I somehow tried to convince myself to continue to struggle with this challenge, until I was faced recently with something totally beyond my control. In other words, I have lost what little hope I had and have decided to give up this challenge. In spite of my stubbornness I cannot go on if there is little or no hope.
Having made this decision, I have a mixed feeling. On the one hand, I feel some relief as I do not have to encourage myself constantly never to give up against all odds. But on the other hand, I also feel some emotional void. As it takes a car some moment to come to a complete stop after you brake it, so does it take a mind quite a while to return to normalcy after you decide to give up some challenge in which you have invested so much energy. I hope I will also get over the challenge of coping with this aftereffect.
21 November 2008 (23 Kheshvan 5769)
After finishing these lines I am sending my broken computer, which is still working somehow, before it becomes broken totally. This is the least harmful period, though life with no computer and Internet connection at home will surely harm my productivity. One trouble seems to draw another, probably because when one is preoccupied with some trouble, thus can defend oneself less with positive energy against other possible troubles. This is what happened to me this Tuesday.
I lost my pouch containing all the keys, all the ID cards and my mobile phone on my way home back from work. Having lost a purse with credit cards, I decided to carry it in a pouch, but this time I lost the pouch itself. Ironically, the purse happened to be elsewhere this time, so I did not lose it and was spared the nightmare of canceling the credit cards and reissuing them. But I had to undergo and am still undergoing a number of headaches caused by the loss of the above mentioned things. Once again I found myself unable to enter my own apartment as this had happened about a year before. I asked my neighbor-cum-friend to allow me to call the same specialist who had helped me open the door of the apartment. Two hours after I noticed that I had lost my keys, etc., I could console myself with a glass of wine inside the apartment.
I tried to call my own mobile phone, hoping that someone who had found it might answer me and would be kind enough to return it and the other things in the pouch. But unfortunately, there was no answer. Of course, I temporarily suspended my mobile phone number. Actually, life without a mobile phone is not a problem for me at all. It was only about half a year ago that I bought one for the first time in my life for a very specific purpose. In the meanwhile that purpose disappeared, and my mobile phone remained mostly "unemployed" since then. Nevertheless I did not take the trouble of canceling it. If it is not returned in the near future, I will cancel it completely and return to my good old days with no mobile phone. The main problem facing me now in terms of communication is how to manage without constant doses of email at home, as I use it as the chief means of non-face-to-face communication not only for work but also privately, receiving more than 500 messages every day.
28 November 2008 (30 Kheshvan 5769)
[no update due to a computer problem]