5 June 2009 (13 Sivan 5769)
Wholehearted enthusiasm for something seems to translate into an irresistible urge to share it with others, including not only friends but also strangers. Unfortunately, the second cycle of the workshop on traditional Ashkenazic folk dance instructed by Prof. Walter Zev Feldman in Jerusalem has ended, but my enthusiasm for it only intensifies day by day. Some people may think that I am crazy if I write that I dance not only alone at home so as not to forget various styles we have learned from this world authority, but also actually everywhere possible. Of all the hobbies I have had so far I have never been more enthusiastic than for this dance. This is partly because I had to suppress my yearning for learning it for many years for lack of a suitable teacher.
At least as far as I am concerned, the true joy of dancing lies in doing so with others. There are a number of courses about various dances from other nations all year round here, but ironically, traditional Ashkenazic folk dance has even been almost totally forgotten all over the Jewish world, including Israel, so there are few occasions when one can even see it. This means that I have few people to dance with. Actually, the majority of those who know at least its basics seem to be students of Prof. Feldman and a few others who still remember this folk tradition and are determined to pass it down to the next generation. Its situation is even more endangered than that of its linguistic counterpart, Yiddish. But people are far less aware of the precarious condition of traditional Ashkenazic dance, and it is probably more difficult to learn dances than languages and reach and maintain enough "proficiency".
Recently a crazy idea occurred to me for sharing this joy with others. It seems rather easily realizable. But if it should really come true (in the near future), it might be in a most surrealistic setting. I am already chuckling about this crazy idea of mine. I also have a secret dream of dancing with others in traditional Ashkenazic styles in a setting that is far less surrealistic but seems far more difficult to realize, though I can visualize it vividly. I cannot imagine a greater pleasure than this secret dream.
12 June 2009 (20 Sivan 5769)
There are two different ways of offending others in interpersonal communication. One is that they tell you something offending in the presence of other people even without being aware that their remark can offend you. The other is that they flatter to your face but speak badly of you behind your back without realizing that their gossip reaches you sooner or later.
People of the first type are easier to detect, as they offend you in your presence. Of the two countries where I have lived, that is, Japan and Israel, I have encountered them almost exclusively in Israel. Every time I experience this kind of offense, I am surprised and dumbfounded anew how they can be so insensitive to others; worse still, they are not even aware that they are offending someone else. They are adults only nominally; in terms of their mentality they still remain naive children. They do not know when and where not to say certain things; instead, they say whatever comes to their mind anytime anywhere without thinking twice (if they think about this at all).
The second type of people are far more difficult to detect, as it takes time to realize that actually they are double-faced. I have met enough people of this kind in Japan; every time I discover that they are hypocrites in their verbal behavior, I am offended (and disappointed) not so much by the content of their malicious gossip behind my back but by the very fact of this backbiting. This way I have lost trust in quite a few people there, including those who I thought were close to me. Naturally, they are not naive children, but are adults at their worst.
I do not now which is a less bad way of offending others in interpersonal communication. Anyway, I continue to stumble upon these two types of people on a regular basis, if not every day or every week. But one thing I have decided so far is simply to stay away from them instead of trying to criticize and change them, unless my life depends on them. There was a time when I tried to complain to them and ask them to apologize to me for having offended me, but I have realized that this can only worsen their attitude toward me, both verbal and nonverbal. It is simply a waste of time to try to change others who are already adults, at least physically, not only in this respect but also in general. Hopefully, however, there are enough people in both countries who behave like adults at their best.
This time I have broken my self-imposed promise not to write anything negative here (but it is a pleasure to kvetch). ;-)
19 June 2009 (27 Sivan 5769)
Ever since I told myself about three years ago that I would finally be ready to build my own family with the help of someone else and also told this to my friends, many of them have offered me "shidukhim". Of about twenty women I was proposed to meet, I was ready to meet only four, and of these four, I felt special attraction only to one.
I already know why this happened only once and why I am not ready for any more "shidukh". The main problem of this sort of acquiaintance is that those who try to match me with some woman do not know both of us well enough. I have noticed that many of them simply tried to introduce me the first woman they had hit upon without knowing what I and she were looking for. Such an acquaintance was destined to fail. This also explais why the only "shidukh" that worked, at least for me, did work, though there was no real continuation since then. The reason is simple: the "shadkhan" simply knows both sides well enough.
I really appreciate these friends of mine for caring about me, but "shidukh" is simply not for me. After every offer I told myself that I would not try this any more, but somehow I was always pursuaded into trying another "shidukh". I may have had some illusionary hope, but I have decided not to waste my time and energy for this often humiliating experience. Enough is enough.
I met none of the three ex-girlfriends I had in the past three years through "shidukh". I have noticed that it is often the case that when you look for someone or something, you find none, and ironically when you stop your search and concentrate on yourself, you attract someone or something in a most unexpected way. I got acquianted with these three women in such a way.
26 June 2009 (4 Tamuz 5769)
[no update due to a busy schedule]